Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Rock Star Behavior = Rock Star Results

by Trigger Girlie

Today I was checking my email when something caught my eye. That something was a Yahoo News article titled "Study: Rock Stars Actually Do Die Young." My initial reaction was: "Really!" (OK, it was a little different, but you catch the drift).

So: indulging in obsessive behaviors such as excessive drug and alcohol use, unbalanced diet, and having more sexual partners than an African Silverbacked gorilla will actually speed up one's demise?

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

Apparently it took a whole team of scientists to determine that all those above mentioned things--especially if used all together--WILL mess you up in the long run and cause you to kick the bucket before your time.

The study also shows that "British and US rock stars are two to three times more likely to die young, primarily of drug and alcohol abuse…" Three times more likely than WHOM? Rock stars from Pakistan or Zimbabwe? The whole statement is akin to saying "People who lay down on railroad tracks are more likely to be hit by a train."

Do we need studies to prove that when you combine obsessive behaviors (aspirations of becoming a rock star, getting laid) with the usual rock star perks(read: drugs, girls, and money, which those people are chasing to begin with), you get a drug addicted, irresponsible moron on their way to rehab and eventually to his/her grave?

Now if these studies involved taking a couple of specimens like Britney, Courtney, or Cindi, locking them in a cell for 15 years while injecting them with all sorts of chemicals, then watching the train wrecks unravel before they came to a halt, it would be fine in my book. But those "scientists" get paid big bucks to tell us that the earth is round, the grass is green, and Howard Dean has mental problems.

There is a list of Rock Stars that died before their time, among them: Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, and Jimi Hendrix. It took a scientist to determine that Presley's food binges took him to an early grave via a massive heart attack? Or Cobain's marriage to the beast(no, not Courtney Love)that was heroin made him pull that trigger? Or that Jimi's cocktail of sleeping pills and wine caused him to choke to death on his own vomit?

Actually, it did take one scientist. His name is Mark Bellis, who specializes in the effects of alcohol, drugs, and violence on public health. In other words: if you want to know whats going to happen if you pop PCP, drink a bottle of grain alcohol, then take an axe along while grocery shopping, then Mark is your go-to man. - Bigger, Better!.
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