Monday, January 14, 2008

Headlines in 2029

Welcome To the Future, Baby!


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica; No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.



Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


DEA Agents Conduct Biggest Caffeine Bust at Maxwell House; CEO Perp Walked Under Watchful Eyes of S.W.A.T. Team


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.



Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.



Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.



Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.



Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States .


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.



Florcubeurico voters still having trouble with voting machines.

by RidesAPaleHorse
[images:freakygaming;ibd;sfgate;]

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Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.

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