[We know Christmas is a few weeks past, but this screamed out for posting. Blanca turns her Eye of DeBree on the touching story of One Man's Humble Beginnings.]
Another Love Child
A lot has been made of allegations of a secret love child between Senator John Edwards and some chick. While the mainstream media has not picked up on this, other than the occasional mention by the the National Enquirer, Drudge Report, Don Imus, National Ledger, and other lesser known media presences, it has been heavily reported in the right wing Blogosphere.
While this scandal is perhaps the most important political story since Monica, there is another political shocker, which no one seems to either care about or mention.
In what could be the most significant story of the millennium, a story, which if true, could indicate we are not only living in the end times, but that the Messiah has already returned and is just waiting to bring our nation back to God and righteousness, right before the Rapture, Armageddon, and God destroys the world in his loving Glory.
To begin this story, we must go back to August 24, 1955 in a little town in Arkansas. A town was never so never named so apropos. For it is in this town of Esperanto that we not only saw the spawn of Satan born, who would eventually destroy our country from within with the evils of the oral sex, but it was also in this town where we would see our Savior reborn to rescue us from the evils of the oral sex, the gay sex, and the fun sex.
Although his parents are listed in his biography as Mae and Dorsey, it was quiet clear very early on that his father was not his biological daddy. Mae was visited in the winter of 1954 by an Archangel, who proclaimed that she was to bear the son of God.
Confused, she thought she must strip the son of God naked. As she was ripping the loincloth off the family's heirloom crucifix handed down from their heathen Catholic ancestors, the Angel told her to snap out of it and get a grip. I forgot to mention that the woman was a blithering idiot.
When she got over the initial shock that usually accompanies news that you are going to carry the Love Child of the Almighty, she set to work to make a home for the New Jesus, or Jesus Mach II, as she liked to call him.
Of course Dorsey was not too keen on Mae being pregnant, since he could not remember knocking her up. Known for his temper, he would repeatedly beat his wife while she was pregnant, which would later be blamed for the child's incredible poor judgment and bad taste. Eventually Dorsey caught on, and accepted his fate as being the foster dad to God's son.
The little child grew, and soon learned the ways of the force.
Sorry, wrong biography.
He learned the Christian ways, and became a good study, eventually becoming a Baptist Minister. Not satisfied with mere religion, he entered politics, because he knew his daddy would want it. It was unclear which daddy, but one of them.
Ultimately his journey took him to the Governor's Mansion. Although this is not a great feat, considering Arkansas is about as backwards as Mississippi. But it was an accomplishment, nonetheless, like winning the Bronze at the Special Olympics.
Now our Savior is running for President. And I encourage all of you to support the Immaculate Conception of Mae, for it is within Mike Huckabee we shall all find salvation before God blows it all to shit in a mad rage known as the Tribulation.
by Blanca DeBree
* Blanca DeBree:
Another Love Child
More from the Blancasphere:
* Bye Bye Biden
* Fred Thompson Gets Endorsement
* Obama Wins Iowa; Dodd Drops Out
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.