CNN is having their Ballot Bowl 08 right now, covering the last four candidates in the race to the White House 2008. Like sudden death or March Madness, this blow by blow color commentary on the election reads like the old Lower Expectations skit on "Mad TV" on Fox.
Each of the campaigns is trying to portray themselves as being the underdogs, the little guy, the long shot in a race, which is almost neck and neck on the Democrat side, and on the Republican side it truly is looking like David and Goliath--the Bible story, not that campy claymation kids television show from the 1970's put on by the Lutherans.
Personally, I am getting tired of this race to the bottom. Everyone is trying to make it look like they don't have a chance, just in case they lose one, so they can at least say they never thought they were going to win in the first place.
Look, as far as McCain is concerned, he is unfortunately going to be the nominee. He will lose in the general election, I am sure. God is punishing us Republicans for not choosing a real conservative. We are about to spend our four years in the desert, wandering around like a bunch of Jews without a GPS.
Although Mike Huckabee has Jesus on his side, I think Jesus is planning to take a fall. I wouldn't be surprised if the Almighty has placed a sizable wager against Mike, in hopes of at least cashing in on our damnation. At least Mike will get raptured pretty soon, if that is any small consolation.
Hillary Clinton is acting like she is the long shot. She cries, claims poverty, and loans herself money. My God, I don't know if I am watching a Clinton or the Pope when she's on TV. Let's get one thing straight.
Hillary is not a long shot. Behind her is the largest political organization in the history of the United States. It makes the Chicago political machine look like a Cub Scout jamboree.
And as far as Barack Obama is concerned, he has perhaps the greatest enthusiasm since JFK. Quite honestly, if it is him and McCain, not only will I support Barack, but Barack will wipe the floor with that son's of a bitch sorry white ass.
Stay tuned for the results of today's contests. Tomorrow is Maine, and then on to Tuesday with the Beltway Bowl.
by Blanca DeBree
Want more Tales from the BlancaSphere? Try these other stories by Blanca DeBree:
* There's no Crying in Politics
* It's a Record!
Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.