Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Democrats in Denver: Twenty Dem Convention Jokes

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Ten Jokes from the 2008 Democrat Convention
Ten Jokes from the 2004 Convention

Hillary Clinton's about to speak at the 2008 Democrat National Convention. With that in mind, we now present 20 Democrat Convention jokes: ten from Denver and ten from the 2004 Dem Convo in Boston.

---2008 Democrat Convention---

"The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works." --David Letterman

"Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick will not be going to the Dem convo, yeah, having some problems. As you know he originally got in trouble for allegedly having an affair and lying about it, to which John Edwards said, 'That's illegal?'" --Jay Leno

"This Thursday, Barack Obama is gonna give his acceptance speech, and reportedly it's going to include performances by Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. And they say Obama's not black enough!" --Conan O'Brien

"Of course, Obama's supporters got him his usual birthday gift of gold, frankincense and myrrh." --Jay Leno


"Well you know at the Democratic Convention this week in Denver, both Bill and Hillary will be speaking. Not to each other, of course." --Jay Leno

"Joe Biden is Barack Obama's running mate. Yeah nothing says change like a guy who's been in the Senate for 35 years" --David Letterman

"As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for the Iraq War, and said Barack Obama did not have the experience to be president. I'm sorry, that's our intro for next week when Joe Biden is on, I got confused." --Jay Leno

"Yeah, the Democratic Convention is in Denver, and security is tight out there, it is very tight, it's tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face." --David Letterman

"And Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind. I guess that's what that was." --Jay Leno

---Democrat 2004 Convention---

"The Democratic National Convention continued in Boston as rising star Barack Obama wowed the crowd with the best keynote address in recent memory. Obama was so impressive, the party's considering having him give John Kerry's concession speech." —Craig Kilborn

"John Edwards spoke at the Democratic Convention. He described John Kerry by saying, 'He's strong, decisive, and hogs the covers.'" —Craig Kilborn

"The Democratic National Committee released it's lineup of the politicians that will speak at the convention and Hillary Clinton is not on the list. But today Bill told her don't feel bad, none of his other women are speaking either." —Jay Leno

"Did you see any of that convention? Oh, my God. Wow! For that kind of excitement you had to go back to the Gore/Lieberman era." —David Letterman

"How many of you saw John Kerry's acceptance speech? It's the first time he's ever said 'I do' and didn't get any money." —Craig Kilborn


"At the convention John Kerry showed up with all his Vietnam crewmates. And not to be outdone, next month at the Republican Convention George W. Bush is going to show up with all his college drinking buddies." —David Letterman

"Did you see John Edwards speaking? His speech was so dull that Teresa Heinz Kerry told him to shove it!" —David Letterman

"Edwards' speech was so good, when he finished, the delegates awarded him $80 million plus punitive damages." —Jay Leno

"The Democratic National Convention gets under way this week in Boston, which is tragically preparing for its turn at the national stage. By the way, all the security isn't to keep people out -- it's to keep people in during Hillary's speech." —Craig Kilborn

"The Kerry campaign said that John Kerry will show his softer side at the convention. You already see him and Edwards fondling each other. What, are they going to be spooning now?" —Jay Leno

Compiled by Mondoreb
* Late Night Political Jokes

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