Top Ten Greatest Fictional Candidates for Prez

FAKE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGNS:
Top Ten Fictional Candidates

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HOW MANY Do Readers Remember?

A list of the Top Ten Greatest Fictional Presidential Candidates was compiled by Darren Garnick--who is, most certainly, not fictional.

From Barbie 08: Archie Bunker, Mr. Clean, and more of history's greatest fictional presidential candidates:

One of the top story lines of the 2008 campaign has been a possible surge of fake voters. But as we concern ourselves with voter fraud, let us not forget our country's long history of fake presidential candidates.

The San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes just named its top 20 satirical political candidates of all time, noting that comedians Will Rogers (1928), Gracie Allen (1940), and Pat Paulsen (1968) paved the way for this year's ill-fated bid by Stephen Colbert—and perhaps even Al Franken's serious bid for one of Minnesota's seats in the U.S. Senate.

We've included images of a few of our personal favorites from Garnick's list.




Before Mike "Huck" Huckabee threw his hat into the ring, there was another "Huck": Huckleberry Hound, the running mate of Yogi Bear--the original "spread the picnic basket wealth around" candidate.

Garnick lists the following ten fictional presidential candidates:

• Snoopy/The Peanuts Gang
• Yogi Bear
• Archie Bunker
• Fonzie
• Alfred E. Neuman
• Fred Flintstone
• Ken Griffey, Jr.
• Mr. Clean
• Barbie
• Captain Morgan

Barack Obama had the "cool" vote to himself this year. 32 years ago, however, he would have had to battle the Fonz for the ballots of cool voters.

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Alfred E. Neuman never went after the cool vote.

Would AEN have been cool under fire--or just oblivious?




Before Fred Thompson's "Run Fred Run", there was another Fred's "Fred 4 Prez"--Fred Flintstone.

Fred's 1996 campaign was only slightly less successful than Fred's aborted 2008 Republican primary run. At least he didn't have to compete with the Yogi Bear-Huckleberry Hound ticket for the cartoon vote.




Which 2008 campaign figure does the above picture call to mind?

Eight years before Joe the Plumber, there was another bald guy who wanted to clean things up: Mr. Clean.




The Capt. Morgan Part Platform: Party!

From History's Greatest Fictional Presidential Candidates:

Meet the anti-Barbie candidate. Mattel's earnest ambition is to change the way girls dream about their lives. Diageo's corporate mascot wants those girls to get a little older and into fishnet stockings.

Captain Morgan strutted around this year's Democratic and Republican conventions pledging to create five-day weekends and "put the party back into party politics." While the women are wearing "Drink Responsibly" sashes, this swashbuckler is fooling no one. The Captain Morgan campaign works precisely because it's the opposite of the standard spokescharacter run for office.

At this point, nobody's surprised when a cartoon dog or a plastic doll takes a crack at the presidency.

There's still something novel, though, about a candidate whose platform is "drink, drink, drink." (No Ted Kennedy jokes, please.)

Were there any that characters that Darren Garnick left out of his list of Top Fictional Presidential Candidates? Let us know.

We're still supporting Pat Paulsen.


by Mondo
hat tip: Darren Garnick
images/source: slate

Sarah Palin: Palin Kept Under Wraps by McCain Campaign

SISTER SARAH AND THE TRAVELING BARBIEHOOD



Snowmobiles.

Caribou.

Mooseburgers.

Before the Republican National Convention, most people wouldn’t have been able to pick Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska out of a beauty queen lineup. Now she’s the toast of the Republican base, a virtual Annie Oakley, a champion of the weak, the poor and the repressed. Guns and God.

Who could ask for anything more?

However, to her detractors, Sarah Palin is a flash in the pan, this week’s Britney Spears, a walking train wreck ferrying her chaotic personal life around on the campaign trail. As US Weekly put it, “Babies, Lies and Scandal”: a distraction from the real issues.

And she didn’t sell the plane on E-Bay!

Since the Republican convention, Palin hasn’t deviated much from the speech she gave. The media has clamored for press conferences and interviews. After all, this is the woman whom John McCain has touted as fully capable of being President if he’s unable to fulfill the duties of his office should his ticket be elected. The public wants to hear what she has to say on such weighty issues like Iraq, terrorism, immigration, Social Security, the economy, abortion, etc.

Not so fast: while Sarah Palin may be ready to take on Osama Bin Laden, she’s not ready to face Meet the Press. The reason: people don’t give a flying leap.

In an appearance on MSNBC with Joe Scarborough, Nicole Wallace of the McCain campaign opined that “ the American people don't care whether Sarah Palin can answer specific questions about foreign and domestic policy. The American people will learn all they need to know (and all they deserve to know) from Palin's scripted speeches and choreographed appearances on the campaign trail and in campaign ads.”

As one could imagine, this went over about as well as McDonald’s announcing their intent to use caribou meat in their Big Mac’s instead of ground beef.

Later though, Todd Harris, a Republican strategist, allowed that Palin eventually would take questions from the press--oh say, in a couple of weeks--but only and until she’s properly briefed. As Harris said, to do otherwise, the McCain campaign runs the risk that if Palin “ goes out and makes a mistake, that is something that [voters will] care about, and that’s something that will haunt [McCain] for awhile, so I think this is a smart move.”



But never fret. While Sarah Palin may not yet be ready to talk about bank failures and unemployment, she has no compunction about discussing her predilection for “skinny white chocolate mocha” --courtesy of the Wall Street Journal.

In this biting, haunting, no-holds-barred interview, Palin also reveals that she loves to run, has dumbbells at home, and in a stunning revelation sure to ignite a fiery debate among Christian Evangelicals, confides that her workout pitfall is “being pregnant every few years”. She also shockingly admits that her ideal fantasy “is to be running on a hot dusty road just wearing running shorts and some kind of top that wicks away sweat.”

It’s comforting to know that while Palin may not yet be available to appear on Face The Nation, she serves her family a healthy diet of “wild Alaskan seafood, moose, caribou and fresh fruit."

Somewhere, in a dank Afghan cave, Osama must surely be trembling.

by CB
images: CB; wall street journal


* CB writes for PJ McIlvaine at www.pjmcilvaine.blogspot.com

Iran Prosecutor Sees Barbie Dolls as Destructive

Same As it Ever Was



Iran has seen the face of the enemy--and it's plastic.

No, we're not talking about Nancy Pelosi; Iran's top prosecutor said imports of Barbie dolls and and other decadent Western toys will have destructive cultural and social consequences for the Islamic Republic.

Iran's conservative clerical establishment often rails against the perceived dangers of U.S.-inspired culture and consumerism, branding it "Westoxication."

But young Iranians are often keen consumers of such music, films and other goods from the West. Iconic toy brands can be bought in children's shops in the capital Tehran and elsewhere.

"The appearance of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter and ... computer games and movies are all a danger warning to the officials in the cultural arena," said Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi in a letter to Vice President Parviz Davoudi published in the Mardom Salari daily.

Najafabadi, a high-ranking cleric, said Iran was the world's third biggest importer of toys and suggested this posed a threat to the "personality and identity" of the new generation.

The cartoon at the beginning of this story is from October 2006: once again Cox and Forkum were ahead of the curve. The cartoon above chronicles the Saudi freak-out at the time over Barbie.

Maybe it's contagious.

by RidesAPaleHorse
image: cox and Forkum
Source: Official sees "Destructive" Barbie influence


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