Saturday, March 1, 2008

Obama the Next JFK? Michelle O's Enormous Feet

I Take Umbrage. Umbrage!
Fashion & Politics from Cripes! Suzette

Despite the fact that I have only a handful regular readers, my influence on the mainstream media continues. I don't know how it happens, but the MSM copies me.

And they've been doing it for quite a while.

I won't bore you ( or give them more ideas) by listing the tedious details of the many instances when it has happened, but things are at a crisis point now.

Take this (40 Years Later, Still Mocking Spiro Agnew's Trail Talk), for instance. Last week, I made a bunch of new taglines to go beneath the blog title, including the one on display now.

The thing that makes this different from previous instances is that I didn't even publish it and yet the big news outlets knew what I was thinking! So that's what it's come to: All I have to do is think of some good blog material, and boom! - the next thing I know, it's all over the news.

I can't prove anything in a legal sense, but believe you me, I'm putting a moratorium on thinking around here for a while to throw "them" off.

But big deal - you want Spiro T. Agnew? You can have Spiro T. Agnew. I'll even throw in the Agnew file I started from my forays into the Time Magazine archives and the image of his headstone from Find-A-Grave.

There's something more important we need to talk about.

Have you seen the Guardian article comparing the fashion statements of Michelle O and Cindy Lou? Ok, that's all well and good - all they do here is semi -seriously list a few points like hairdos and accessories in a boring presentation. I suppose it's all fair game. But, people - check out this Jezebel piece IN WHICH THEY INTERPRET FASHION SIGNALS BY MAKING POP CULTURE REFERENCES.

Future First Ladies Should Be Judged Solely On Fashion

Uh huh.

Now I ask you: is this not a direct poaching of my "Cankles" concept?

Don't bother answering - res ipsa loquitur!

See how I have to resort to Latin to express myself now? That should throw them off my trail for a while.

Further, I am withdrawing myself from the internet for a period of four days, starting immediately*.

I can only hope that will be a sufficient time span to let my trail go cold and I can get back to blogging without the responsibility of carrying the on-line press.

Just in case I should mysteriously disappear as punishment for this whistle-blowing, I am forced to play my trump card months ahead of its time:

Our next president is Barack Obama. Not only is he the new JFK, but Michell O is the new Jackie O. I base my prediction solely on the striking similarity in the size of their enormous feet.

You try finding an image of Jackie's feet - it's not that easy! I think she must have used a four-pronged approach to keeping the public unaware of just how colossal those things were:

1. The First Lady period: the contemporary press were in on that whole Camelot thing and never published anything unflattering to the couple. The only time you see a full body shot of JBKO from that time period is when her toes are peeping out from under an Oleg Cassini original.

2.The Post-First Lady period: She must have leveraged her close attachment to RFK and asked him to wield that Kennedy power over the media to expunge all podatric images.

3. Mrs. Onassis - feet always hidden from long-range lenses behind the deck rail of The Christina.

4. Jackie O - In that pre-Photoshop era, she used Ari's money to hire former CIA document experts to doctor all photos of her feet and crop images at the knees.

Well, it's a new day and Michelle O and her big mouth are getting a pass from the critical press, and not just her big mouth but her big feet, too. Look long and hard at this photo taken before she was anointed as the new First Lady. ( Sorry, Hill. Really, really sorry to see you go.) That was before it was decided that she's be the next First Lady. Look at the flood of photos of her since her husband's star started to rise - see any feet anywhere? No! The media protects her from harsh foot-related comments from an uncensored public.

I further predict that during the Inaugural Parade down Pennsylvania Avenue towards the White House, the Os will be riding in a car, not walking and providing and opportunity for the world to look at her feet in action.

Bookmark this page and refer back to it in the months to come. You know I'm right and now I have it on the record before the MSM tries to co-opt it. I would also like the record to show that I am the originator of the moniker "Michelle Three Feet" because each of those gunboats is 18 inches long.

* Coincidentally, that is the exact length of time that I will be gone to Florida for a professional conference.

Want to read more Suzette? Here's some recent offerings for Cripes! Suzette:

Pop star Prince to have secret hip replacement:
* I don't want to discuss my personal life but you know I have bad knees, don't you? Very Bad Knees.

The Joys of the Martini:
* I Wonder if Queen Victoria Ever Had One of These?

by Suzette
* 1 - comedy
* 2,3 -Cripes! Suzette
Source: I Take Umbrage! Umbrage!

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