John Cole: Not Much Of a Conspiracy When the Whole State's in on It

"Teacher says every time John Cole says "Fuck", another
dead guy in Mingo County gets to vote straight Democrat."

Somewhere on the road to Doddridge County, John Cole saw a donkey and converted to the Democrat party. Whether he ever completed his journey, he doesn't say because apparently Balloon Juice was having an overstock sale on "Fuck", so they rented him a carnival barker's outfit and let him have at it.

More on his catharsis from Balloon Juice:

I had meant to re-register independent (or as it is known here in West Virginia, “No Party Affiliation”) for the past two weeks after I had finally had enough of the bullshit during the Graeme Frost escapade, but never got around to it (and it really was not that big of a deal, I had made the mental commitment, which is what matters).

This last bit leads one to believe that Cole will make a fine Democrat. And by the way, in the Northern part of West Virginia, Independents are also known as "Closet Republicans". His journey continues.

Long story short, I got up there to register as an independent, said “Fuck it,” and now I am a Democrat. I certainly don’t agree with all their positions, but they are not bat-shit crazy like the GOP.

John finishes with one more "fuck" as evidence his eighth-grade English teacher hadn't failed completely in her educational endeavors.

Joining West Virginia's Democrats (who constitute roughly two-thirds of the state's voters) is a real gesture of defiance for John Cole. Halloween is the perfect time to announce such a move, as he now joins the legions of dead Mingo County Democrats that have been masquerading as Democrats voting the straight ticket there for decades.

It's a hard life being a Republican in the Mountain State. It's even harder to criticize a fellow West Virginian for switching their party affiliation. Especially one who speaks so eloquently as John Cole.

by Mondoreb



Back to Front Page.