Friday, November 23, 2007

Top Email News From the Past Year

Nigerian doctors, slashers under the car and rat poison on your envelope glue--just a sample of news you may have received in your email during the last year. Newspapers, telegrams, TV, cable, the Internet and emails are how people get their news. Many times, email news is of a special type.

[Top Email Forward News from the Past Year] at

Paul Revere jumped on a horse to alert his fellow citizens. People now use emails to "spread the news". And what news it turns out to be.

We got an email from Vickie, the Goth chick, who used to be the barista at the coffee shop we frequented at one time. She apparently received it from someone who had received it from a guy in the U.K.

We're printing it because we've gotten several of the following emails sent to us over the last year. How many of the following stories have ended up in your email?
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this year.

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat sh*t in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny Brown)who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car to prevent a serial killer won't crawl into the back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large seagull with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm next afternoon and the fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy lump.

I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered,that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity,always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
How did we ever live without the Internet?

by Mondoreb
hat tip: Scott, Vickie
Source: Top Email Forward News from the Past Year

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