Thursday, February 7, 2008

Super Tuesday: Damn Those Voters Having Their Say Again!

Tales from the BlancaSphere

John McCain and Rudy Giuliani share a Kodak moment

Voters had their say on Tuesday, casting ballots in the millions.

Once again conventional wisdom, projections, election eve and exit polling proved to be completely wrong as those annoying voters insisted on ignoring the media, pundits, and endorsements and voted any way they damn well pleased.

Perhaps most annoying is how state after state seemed to fall for Barack Obama and John McCain. Its almost as if no one is listening to Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Dr. Dobson, Dr. Laura Slesinger, or Sean Hannity. It's as if people are tuning them out, and casting ballots according to some arcane rules of conscience.

It's down right unnerving.

Look, all of us on the right have gone to great lengths to ensure that Hillary Clinton is the nominee on the Democrat side. We have done a lot of research, digging up dirt, and are all ready to swift boat her ass come November.

As one of the voices on the right, I am on the fax speed dial for the daily talking points. I have seen what we have in store. I can't divulge anything, but let me just say it involves some drugs, an orgy, and several midgets.

[EDITORS NOTE: Midgets are always effective as a secret weapon.]

And all of my friends and gal pals have been trying awful hard to keep you from voting for John McCain. I mean I personally have called everyone I know and told them about his black baby. You know, you just can't push poll a black baby with Barack Obama. It doesn't work for some reason.

But we have dug up some fresh new trash to throw at John McCain, just in time for the next round of primaries.

For instance, did you know that John McCain crashed three planes in Vietnam? Did you also know he almost sank his own aircraft carrier? Did you know he killed 134 of our bravest American soldiers all by himself?

I bet you didn't.

Well now you do.

So here is how you can do your part. Call everyone you know in an upcoming primary state and ask them how they would feel knowing what you now know.

Here, let me give you a script.
Ring Ring.
Hello. My name is (fill in your name--or you can use a fake name if you don't want them to know who you are). I am calling from (fill in your favorite polling service, but don't use Zogby--he's ultra left). I would like to know if you would be more willing or less willing to vote for John McCain if you knew he was a secret spy for the Viet Cong. Would you also be more or less willing to vote for John McCain if you knew he sabotaged the USS Forrestal by bombing the ship? I would also like to know if you would be more or less likely to vote for John McCain if you knew he killed 134 American soldiers. And finally would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain if you knew he ran around in crotchless panties, wearing a swastika, while molesting children and killing little kittens. Thank you for you time.

OK. Get calling. We have millions of voters to reach by next week.

It's time for you to do your part.

by Blanca DeBree
image: blancaSphere
Source: Damn Those Voters Having their Say Again!

More tales from the BlancaSphere await you at Blanca's. A few more are:

* In Praise of Amy Holmes
* Commander Guy's Approval Rating Soars; Repeal of the 22nd Amendment Imminent


Death by 1000 Papercuts Front Page.

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