Perfect Google Story 2: Frijole Jihad Members Target U.S

by Little Baby Ginn

The Border Patrol issued a warning today to be on the lookout for a new type of IED, the Exploding Burrito. “It’s being used as a car bomb by a group known as the Mexican Taliban,” said one agent who spoke “off the record.” “The Mexican Taliban issued a “Jihad” here in the United States against fast food Mexican style.

“The Exploding Burrito is being used in this jihad as a new terrorist weapon,” said another anonymous source. “It’s a form of home grown terrorism, a.k.a., the pinto bean.”

Another source, a man who is a member of the Frijole Jihad spoke to us behind Rosa’s Cantina. “Just because I like Tom Cruise doesn’t mean I’m a homosexual,” he said behind his dark glasses. “I have a crush on Kate Moss and Britney Spears. I’ve been a member of the Mexican Taliban since I was fifteen.” He took a sip from a bottle of Hornitos Tequila. “You must excuse me, I just broke off a love relationship.” He lit up a marijuana cigarette. “The Mexican Taliban is upset over the fake food being served up as “authentic Mexican.” “You see these,” he said as he held out a hand full of pills. “These are Viagra, you can get them a lot cheaper on my side of the border. I’m also a fan of David Beckham but not that skinny woman he’s married to. I’m against the war in Iraq and if I had a new carburetor for my 82 Olds I’d find a way to go to the next IAEA Summit because I care about the world, man.”

He took a long drag off the marijuana cigarette. “America destroyed Hitler and the Nazis but America is no match for the Mexican Taliban and our weapons of Mass Destruction. That’s unless we run out of pinto beans.”

The Perfect Google Search Story Contest
[Another DBKP Shameless Attempt to use all of the Top Google Search terms in one story: love, botox, burrito, hang-over, Tom Cruise, marijuana, car bomb. Think you can you do better? Make an attempt to construct The Perfect Google Search story. Send your entry to: Mondoreb@gmail.com. Prizes, if any, announced along with the winner when we feel like it or until we get deluged with entries. Mark subject line of email "Perfect Google Search story".]



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Perfect Google Search Story: Tom Cruise's Hang-over From Marijuana Burritos

Tom Cruise on Oprah:
Hung-over or on marijuana-laced burritos?
by Mondoreb & Little Baby Ginn

The legions of botox-injected Tom Cruise lovers might want to take another look at the Mission: Impossible star. Rumors have circulated that during a past appearance on Oprah, he was either hung-over or under the influence of marijuana-laced burritos.

When contacted about the hang-over rumors, a Cruise spokesman said, "I love Tom Cruise. I just love him. But he isn't available for a statement. He's in Iraq, trying to do something about the car bomb problem over there."

What's up with all this?

A story from the New York Post revealed the top Google Search terms.

-- Internet users in the U.S. frequently use search words that might make for a wild Saturday night but an uncomfortable morning, according to statistics provided by Google Inc.

"Hangover,""Burrito," and "Marijuana" are among the frequent words that Google processes for Americans. Also at the top: "Iraq," "Tom Cruise," "Love," "Botox" and "Car bomb."

This is Death by 1000 Papercuts' shameless attempt to write the perfect Google Search story. One that will show up in millions of future searches.

NOW: after all that, I feel like a have a hang-over. I need break. Think I'll go have some of those marijuana burritos.



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