Top Idiots Of The Week Awards
Week of October 5 2008
We have a clear winner in this week's awards. By far, the biggest idiot of the week has to be:
1. Green Party presidential candidate Cynthia McKinney, who was caught on video accusing the U.S. Department of Defense of executing 5,000 prisoners Chinese-style and dumping their bodies in a Louisiana swamp. Maybe she's just off her meds.
2. Second place has to go to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. She gave a five minute speech tearing into Republicans right before a crucial vote on the government bailout bill, where, it turns out, she could have used their votes. She lost. Moral of the story: Don't gloat before you vote.
3. Third place goes to Harvard University. They held a ceremony Thursday awarding researchers for studying fertility of exotic dancers, plant dignity, enhanced potato chip crunch, flea jumping abilities and spermicidal uses for Coca-Cola. I wonder what jobs are available with those kind of qualifications.
* Rep. Barney Frank makes this week's list for going on the O'Reilly Factor to defend the indefensible. He got a very public spanking. We can't figure out if it was idiocy or just plain old hubris.
* A Colorado teen hired men to kill his mother so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend.
* This poor idiot shot himself after being denied sex by his girlfriend. He was charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He is being held on $100,000 bail.
* An amateur chef died the day after eating a "superhot" chilli in a bet with his friend over who could make the hottest dish.
* Luke Schreder thought a police officer looked like he just "needed a hug" so he ran up to him and stuck out his arms. He was arrested for assault on a peace officer, public intoxication and interference with official acts. When he gets out, he should consider going into politics.
* Two armed robbers hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside but were forced to abandon more than half the cash because their small getaway car could not carry it all.
1. First place goes to authors of a new report which states: 'People will have to be rationed to four modest portions of meat and one litre of milk a week if the world is to avoid runaway climate change.'
2. Second place winner is a fellow who believes this junk. For the past nine months, Dave Chameides has been filling his basement with every single thing he would ordinarily recycle or toss into the trash. He's doing this in order to reduce his carbon footprint and save the world. I know I'll be sleeping easier tonight.
3. Polar bears will also be able to sleep easier thanks to the brave scientists in California who are actually testing the hearing of polar bears to try to find out whether the noises associated with melting Arctic ice could affect their ability to survive.
How could we have eco-idiots awards without mentioning Father Earth algore? Al Gore said in San Jose on Saturday that the climate crisis deserves the same type of attention and money from Washington that the financial meltdown is getting. The scary thing is, this man almost became president. Whoa baby!
From the Just Plain Nasty files:
Hustler founder, Larry Flynt has made an X-rated movie using an adult-film actress who is a dead ringer for Sarah Palin.
In an effort to leave you with a little hope for the future, we feel we should mention the following:
Alan Fishman, named CEO of Washington Mutual just 18 days before federal regulators seized it, will not accept a multimillion-dollar severance payment even if he is entitled to it, a spokesman representing him said Wednesday. Some would consider him an idiot. We don't.
by Nancy Morgan
RightBias.com publishes the Top Idiots Of The Week Awards every weekend. Feel free to forward any idiotic news you feel deserves consideration.