Showing posts with label political. Show all posts
Showing posts with label political. Show all posts

Friday, November 28, 2008

Celebrity Rumor Mill: November 28 2008



Your Ad Here


Entertainment, Celebrities:
News, Rumors, Gossip, Allegations

November 28, 2008

Celebrity Rumor Mill

* Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede
* Britney is a "Wonderful Mother"?
* SCUMBAG WINS MONEY






  1. Madonna, A-Rod Make Beautiful Music Together
    Are you kiding me? I wonder if he'll get to second base?

  2. NBC's Rosie O’Donnell variety show disappoints
    Rosie's night-before-Thanksgiving TV turkey.

  3. Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede
    The Wal-Mart Panic? No bargain wide-screen TV is worth an innocent life.

  4. New Buffy movie on the way? Talk about returning from the dead.

  5. SPEIDI NUPS HOAX?
    The Hills stars, who claim they tied the knot in a wedding ceremony at a chapel near Cabo San Lucas on Nov. 20, don't appear to be legally married.






    GAWKER





  6. Lynne Spears: Britney Is a 'Wonderful Mother'
    See link below.

  7. BRITNEY KID DROPS THE F-BOMB

  8. ASHLEE & PETE BRONX CHEER
    Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has boy, Bronx. The baby looks like Queens.

  9. Which Celeb Escaped To Las Vegas To Avoid A Family Thanksgiving?
    No Peeking!

  10. Google Tosses Its Code of Conduct — Along With 10,000 Jobs
    Google Shifts Workers to Keep their "Temporary Worker" status.




by KimeCools
image: dbkp file




Late Night Comics: Rate the Jokes, November 28 2008



Your Ad Here


Rating the Late Night Comics
On Balance in Political Jokes

November 19, 2008

Late Night Comics

Rate the Late Night Comics' jokes.





The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Barack Obama’s people are trying to lower expectations. Everyone thinks he’s going to be able to fix everything. If they want to lower expectations, they should keep some of those Bush people on.

A political organization has filmed a new TV ad thanking Sarah Palin for all she did for the campaign. The organization is called the Democratic Party.

The executives of the Big Three automakers have said that they will now carpool to Washington next year instead of flying in on private jets. To make sure there won’t be any problems, they will drive a Toyota.

The economy is so bad, the White House turkey turned down the pardon. He says he lost all his money in the stock market and has nothing left to live for.

Rating: Even

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs President Bush Doesn't Care Anymore

10. Hasn't taken off his Iron Man costume since Halloween
9. The menu for the White House Thanksgiving dinner? Corn dogs and Beefaroni
8. Drew a picture of Garfield on Dick Cheney's bald head
7. He's barely trying to ruin the economy anymore
6. Spent the entire weekend in the Oval Office pardoning himself
5. Saw Osama at Arby's drive-thru but didn't feel like chasing him
4. Spends Cabinet meetings scanning classifieds for next job
3. Primary focus is surpassing Hank Paulson's high score on "Guitar Hero"
2. Asking Obama, "How soon can you bail me out of the White House?"
1. Started dating hefty interns

RATING: -3

Late Show with David Letterman

They have a new balloon at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: the John McCain balloon — it never gets off the ground.

A mailman was arrested for not delivering junk mail. Still no word on bin Laden.

Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, Thank you, Oprah.

During the transition, President Bush is busy granting pardons. Today he pardoned Sarah Palin for her interview with Katie Couric.

RATING: -2

Late Night with Conan O'Brien

In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said, “This isn’t about big government or small government. It’s about building a smarter government.” When he heard this, President Bush said, “I get it, I get it. I’m leaving.”

Earlier today, John McCain gave his first press conference since the election, and he said that for a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign. Unfortunately for McCain those people are called Democrats.

A new study has found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety ratings. Apparently Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer’s lot.

RATING: Even

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Sarah Palin is back on the campaign trail. She’s going to go to the Senate runoff election down in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is, she’s going right down there . . .

Somali pirates have captured another ship. Interestingly, al-Qaida has declared war on the pirates — it’s like evil versus evil. It’s like Dick Cheney versus his lawyer.

The pirates have gone high-tech. They even have MySpace pages. Current mood? “Looking for booty.”

Rating: -1

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

I had $350,000 riding on Lance Bass to win “Dancing With the Stars.” Now I have to sell my house. Unless Lance comes up with the money he owes me.

For many voters, dancing wasn’t so important. The undecided factor was the economy.

Barack Obama’s wife Oprah Winfrey has her “Favorite Things” show this week. She’s featuring affordable things this year . . . thumbtacks.

Rating: Even

Compiled by KimeCools
image: dbkp file




Thursday, November 20, 2008

Late Night Comics: Rate the Jokes -November 19 2008



Your Ad Here


Rating the Late Night Comics
On Balance in Political Jokes

November 19, 2008

Late Night Comics

Rate the Late Night Comics' jokes.




The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

It’s reported that Barack Obama’s new attorney general is going to be Eric Holder. Here is what we know about him: His name is Eric Holder.

It’s being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of secretary of state. Actually this works out great for the Clintons. While Hillary is concentrating on foreign affairs, Bill can get back to concentrating on domestic affairs.

Barack Obama says one of his top priorities once he becomes president is closing down Guantanamo Bay. And to make sure it closes, he’s going to turn it into a bank.

According to the New York Post, Sarah Palin may appear on the season finale of “Desperate Housewives.” In a related story, John McCain just got a big Flomax commercial.

RATING: +4




Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Things Overheard During Obama'a Meeting With McCain

10. "Oh, just preparing to be president. What have you been up to?"
9. "I know a guy who would be a perfect secretary of plumbing"
8. "What is the deal with that Alaskan babe?"
7. "Let's wrap this up; Wheel of Fortune's on"
6. "Seriously, what was the deal with that Alaskan babe?"
5. "Actually, it's now the 'Straight Talk Express and Girls Gone Wild' bus"
4. "Uh John, this isn't another debate"
3. "Where's the soup? Someone said there'd be soup!"
2. "I know I'm trailing by 192 electoral votes two weeks after the election, but I've got you right where I want you!"
1. "Maybe you'd be president-elect if you hadn't crossed Letterman"

RATING: Even

Late Show with David Letterman

Cold in New York City. So cold, today Sarah Palin spent $150,000 on mittens.

Sarah Palin has landed a $7 million book deal. She got it through a guy named Joe the publisher.

When she was asked about writing a book, she said, “You bethcha! As long as I don’t have to read it.”

Wow — $7 million. Maybe now she can buy her own clothing.

RATING -4




Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Yesterday in Chicago, President-elect Obama met with former political rival John McCain. Both men said it was a relief to put their differences aside, sit down, and really make fun of Sarah Palin.

Yesterday, President Bush awarded a National Medal of the Arts to Stan Lee, the comic book artist who created “Spider-Man.” Afterwards, Bush said it was the first thing he’s done as president that “felt right.”

Political experts say Hillary Clinton may not be given the position secretary of state because of Bill Clinton’s activities. When he heard this, Bill said, “It’s only fair — she denies me positions all the time.”

RATING: Even




The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


Happy birthday to the Alaska senator, and convicted felon, Ted Stevens. Today he turns 85 to life.

Everyone wants to know Barack Obama’s plans for the White house. They already know his economic plan to help small businesses that make under $250,000 a year — like General Motors.

Michael Jackson is in trouble again. He is supposed to testify in a lawsuit, but his lawyer says he’s too sick to travel. He can only travel in an emergency — like a Jonas Brothers concert.

RATING: +1




Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Raging fires in California. So far, 32,000 acres have burned. It seems ironic that the flamingest state in the Union voted against gay marriage.

It looks like Hillary Clinton might be Barack Obama’s secretary of state. She went from almost being president to a secretary.

Sounds like somebody needs to watch “Working Girl” — that’s not how it’s supposed to work.

The secretary of state travels all over the world meeting with foreign leaders sometimes spending months away from his or her husband. But that’s just the sacrifice Bill is willing to make.

RATING: Even

by Mondo
image: dbkp file




Thursday, November 13, 2008

John Edwards Affair: Edwards Attempts Political Resurrection



Your Ad Here


John Edwards Affair/Scandal/Coverup:
Democrat Party Pariah Attempts to Resurrect
A Political Career in Shambles




Former VP candidate Speaks for First Time in Months




John Edwards is hoping that a third media blackout is the charm to resurrecting what remains of his battered political career.

  • The first media blackout was by a protective Mainstream Media which protected both Edwards and MSM news customers of all news about Edwards' affair with mistress Rielle Hunter. It ran from November 2007 through August 8 2008, when Edwards 'confessed' on ABC's Nightline.

  • The second media blackout as imposed by the Democrat Party. After Edwards' Nightline appearance, he was still under the illusion that his services were needed at the Democrat Convention in Denver. He was mistaken and prominent Democrats told him--both publicly and in private--"Thanks, but no thanks. Stay away."

    When Edwards attempted to resume speaking engagements after the Dem convention to keep himself in the public eye, he was again counseled to cool it. Edwards then issued a statement that he didn't want to be a "distraction" to an Obama campaign which had considered him as a top-tier VP candidate--before his ABC mea culpa. He canceled his remaining speaking engagements until after the election.

  • The third media blackout has been imposed by Edwards himself. Edwards spoke at a closed-door appearance at Indiana University November 11. Recording devices and cameras were banned from the speaking room. Spontaneous questions were off-limits as well.

    Mary Catherine Ham says that Edwards, "only took written questions submitted beforehand, and the affair didn't come up. We shall have to wait."




Ham's assessment of an Edwards' comeback:

Can he make a comeback? Democrats were angry at him, not because he cheated (as they made sure to stipulate, so as to avoid being pegged as insufficiently non-judgmental), but because he endangered their electoral prospects. Surely, he'll stick around as a middling speaker, but in the Age of Obama, how does a sullied Southerner the Dems don't even need to gain the Bubba vote forge a path back to prominence?


Sounds like a good call to us.


DBKP: The John Edwards Scandal Library
Over 120 DBKP stories on the affair/scandal/coverup from December 2007.


CNN's Andrew Mooney wonders about an Edwards' comeback as well--and also uses the 'P' word: pariah.

The man who had been considered a major contender for the Democratic nomination instantly became a pariah in his own party and didn't merit so much as a mention at the Democratic National Convention a month later.
...
But with the 2008 presidential election officially in the history books, Edwards may be looking to accomplish what a handful of other national political figures have been able to do: successfully re-emerge from an embarrassing public scandal that by all appearances has left his political career in ruins.

But Edwards' future just may hinge on how he goes about re-entering the public sphere. While it remains a long shot that Edwards will ever run for office again, he could re-emerge as a powerful voice for a set of issues he championed during the Democratic presidential primary: poverty and healthcare.


One wonders how effectively Edwards can talk about poverty when the multi-millionaire trial lawyer's experiences for decades have been more of the penthouse variety.




SANCTUARY AMONG THE RESTROOM STALLS

The Mainstream Media blacked out all mention of Edwards' affair with Hunter for almost nine months. Even after reporters from the National Enquirer--an Edwards' nemesis throughout the affair--caught the former Democrat presidential candidate leaving Hunter's Beverly Hilton hotel room, the MSM refused to report on the spectacle of Edwards barricading himself in a public rest room at 3 am to escape the Enquirer's inquiring minds.

Edwards, who campaigned on the morality issue--he included his family and cancer-striken wife, Elizabeth prominently at campaign trail appearances--denied the allegation the Enquirer reports of his infidelity in October 2007.

Then, after a November 2007 interview in which Edwards boasted of "staring down the National Enquirer", the former NC senator didn't have to answer any unpleasant questions from a decidedly un-curious MSM for nine months.

All of that ended with the Enquirer's reporters attempting to question Edwards in the early AM on July 21 in the Beverly Hilton. Though Fox News confirmed the confrontation a few days later, the MSM--except for a few newspapers--banned mention of the incident to their readers/viewers.

Edwards kept a high profile for several days, until MSM reporters from NC newspapers attempted to question Edwards after he spoke at an AARP symposium in Washington DC in late July.

Edwards ducked out on the reporters--escaping through a side entrance--and immediately ducked out of public life, retiring to his palatial spread outside Chapel Hill, NC. When he re-emerged from hiding on August 8, public statements appeared within minutes of each other from Edwards, wife Elizabeth and Edwards' campaign money-man, Fred Baron.

Parts of all three statements were later found to be disingenuously-parsed at best; falsehoods at worst.




RIELLE BABY DRAMA
HUNTER KNOWS ALL, WRITES ALL?



Edwards denied being the father of Rielle Hunter's infant daughter, Frances Quinn Hunter--he still denies it--even after the Enquirer published pictures of Edwards holding Frances Quinn in a room at the Beverly Hilton. Skeptics, however, will point to Edwards' previous denials of the affair itself as proof that what Edwards alleges is not always reliable.

According to the National Enquirer, Rielle Hunter is writing an explosive tell-all book about her affair with Edwards--as a sort of insurance policy, in case her money payments stop.


Rielle Hunter aka Lisa Druck the 44 year-old divorcee, former videographer and mother of Edwards' love child plans to publish the bombshell tell-all only if the "hush money" she's been receiving ends, sources reveal.

Fred Baron, the wealthy Dallas ex-trial lawyer and former fiancé chairman for Sen. Edwards failed presidential bid died Halloween Eve, Oct. 30, from complications of multiple myeloma, a blood cancer. Baron had admitted paying Hunter's bills and also those of Andrew Young, another Edwards' crony who claims the baby is his.

Now that Baron is dead, Rielle, who has no job not source of income, realizes her serial payments could end unless Edwards makes them directly -- which so far he has refused.


Before he died, Baron maintained that the money he was doling out to both Hunter and long-time Edwards' operative, Andrew Young--who initially claimed Hunter's baby was his--was from his personal money stash and that Baron was making the payments without Edwards' knowledge.

ENQUIRER: "Now Rielle is writing an explosive tell-all memoir that blow the lid off the whole steamy affair and cover-up - a book that could keep her and her love child rolling in greenbacks for years to come.

"Rielle views the book as her personal insurance policy," an insider divulged.

"She's been keeping a journal since she began her affair with John."







DIRTY DIAPER DNA


Rumors abound over the possession by the Enquirer of one of Frances Quinn's dirty diapers. From Did John Edwards father child of Rielle Hunter? The latest poop:

Even though he admitted cheating with campaign staffer Rielle Hunter (top), The National Enquirer wants to prove he's the father of Hunter's baby. How? We hear that, on the night they caught Edwards visiting Hunter and child at a Beverly Hills hotel, Enquirer reporters grabbed one of the baby's poopy diapers.

Now, say sources, intrepid Enquirer editor David Perel hopes to compare the infant's stinky DNA with that of Edwards, who has denied paternity. "All they need is a cup he drank from," an insider tells us.

"I will neither confirm nor deny possession of a dirty diaper," Perel said dryly. "But I would like to do a DNA test."


David Perel told DBKP: "There's a lot of ways to go on DNA testing."

"I'm not saying we have material for DNA testing. But if we did, at some point we'd be interested in having a test done."




Edwards appeared in San Francisco on Wednesday at a private debate with former Bush honcho, Karl Rove, in front of a group of bankers. Two nights, two speaking engagements, one question: Does John Edwards really think he has a political future?

Some former staff members are doubtful.

But even as Edwards is appearing to take the first steps toward a comeback, former supporters -- many of whom where blindsided by his admission of infidelity -- may be unwilling to give him a second chance this soon.

"I wish he would keep himself locked in a cave for a year," a former senior staffer to Edwards' campaign said. "The best strategy he could adopt right now is to stay below the radar and just be quiet and let people move on."


One wonders what John Edwards would do with himself without politics. He speaks on political subjects and clearly was comfortable in the limelight. Sources tell DBKP that Edwards "isn't much interested in returning to the courtroom any time soon."

Edwards is not the only one hoping for a comeback. Others also wait for an Edwards' resurrection. Edwards' return to the spotlight might touch off a cottage industry of tell-all books by others involved in the Edwards' affair: Andrew Young, Bob McGovern, Pigeon O'Brien, perhaps even Andrew Baron.

Interested or not, John Edwards may not be the one who makes the call between a return to politicis or the courtroom: a political career seems likely to be wishful thinking.

Especially, if Rielle Hunter cashes in her "personal insurance policy" and publishes her tell-all book.


by Mondo Frazier
images:
* national enquirer
* dbkp file
* aycu26
* Doug Ross@journal




Monday, October 27, 2008

DBKP Political Rumor Mill: October 27 2008



Your Ad Here

Political Rumors, Gossip, Allegations, Hints
October 27, 2008




A round-up of chatter on all things political.

We print the following links to the stories without comment, endorsement or criticism. We trust the readers to supply their own judgment on the validity.

















GAWKER




compiled by Mondo



Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Idiot of the Week Awards: Winners, October 5 2008 Edition



Your Ad Here


Top Idiots Of The Week Awards
Week of October 5 2008

Right Bias.com








We have a clear winner in this week's awards. By far, the biggest idiot of the week has to be:

1. Green Party presidential candidate Cynthia McKinney, who was caught on video accusing the U.S. Department of Defense of executing 5,000 prisoners Chinese-style and dumping their bodies in a Louisiana swamp. Maybe she's just off her meds.

2. Second place has to go to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. She gave a five minute speech tearing into Republicans right before a crucial vote on the government bailout bill, where, it turns out, she could have used their votes. She lost. Moral of the story: Don't gloat before you vote.

3. Third place goes to Harvard University. They held a ceremony Thursday awarding researchers for studying fertility of exotic dancers, plant dignity, enhanced potato chip crunch, flea jumping abilities and spermicidal uses for Coca-Cola. I wonder what jobs are available with those kind of qualifications.

HONORABLE MENTION:

* Rep. Barney Frank makes this week's list for going on the O'Reilly Factor to defend the indefensible. He got a very public spanking. We can't figure out if it was idiocy or just plain old hubris.

* A Colorado teen hired men to kill his mother so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend.

* This poor idiot shot himself after being denied sex by his girlfriend. He was charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He is being held on $100,000 bail.

* An amateur chef died the day after eating a "superhot" chilli in a bet with his friend over who could make the hottest dish.

* Luke Schreder thought a police officer looked like he just "needed a hug" so he ran up to him and stuck out his arms. He was arrested for assault on a peace officer, public intoxication and interference with official acts. When he gets out, he should consider going into politics.

* Two armed robbers hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside but were forced to abandon more than half the cash because their small getaway car could not carry it all.


ECO-IDIOTS:


1. First place goes to authors of a new report which states: 'People will have to be rationed to four modest portions of meat and one litre of milk a week if the world is to avoid runaway climate change.'

2. Second place winner is a fellow who believes this junk. For the past nine months, Dave Chameides has been filling his basement with every single thing he would ordinarily recycle or toss into the trash. He's doing this in order to reduce his carbon footprint and save the world. I know I'll be sleeping easier tonight.

3. Polar bears will also be able to sleep easier thanks to the brave scientists in California who are actually testing the hearing of polar bears to try to find out whether the noises associated with melting Arctic ice could affect their ability to survive.

HONORABLE MENTION:

How could we have eco-idiots awards without mentioning Father Earth algore? Al Gore said in San Jose on Saturday that the climate crisis deserves the same type of attention and money from Washington that the financial meltdown is getting. The scary thing is, this man almost became president. Whoa baby!

From the Just Plain Nasty files:

Hustler founder, Larry Flynt has made an X-rated movie using an adult-film actress who is a dead ringer for Sarah Palin.

In an effort to leave you with a little hope for the future, we feel we should mention the following:

Alan Fishman, named CEO of Washington Mutual just 18 days before federal regulators seized it, will not accept a multimillion-dollar severance payment even if he is entitled to it, a spokesman representing him said Wednesday. Some would consider him an idiot. We don't.


by Nancy Morgan
Right Bias.com


RightBias.com publishes the Top Idiots Of The Week Awards every weekend. Feel free to forward any idiotic news you feel deserves consideration.




Friday, September 26, 2008

Obama, Dodd Received Nearly Quarter-Million From Freddie, Fannie



Your Ad Here



Received Nearly Half-Million Dollars
From Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae:
Dodd, Kerry, Obama, Clinton, Kanjorski




Dodd, Obama got nearly a quarter-million dollars from Freddie, Fannie


It's like sending the foxes to fix the hole in the chicken coop.

Senators Chris Dodd and Barack Obama, among others, have stepped up to "fix" the financial crisis, brought on in large part by the implosion of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Dodd and Obama were two of the three largest recipients of Freddie-Fannie campaign contributions.


It's like sending the foxes to fix the hole in the chicken coop.

Senators Chris Dodd and Barack Obama, among others, have stepped up to "fix" the financial crisis, brought on in large part by the implosion of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Dodd and Obama were two of the three largest recipients of Freddie-Fannie campaign contributions.




The Freddie-Fannie Five

1. Sen. Dodd, Christopher J (D-CT) - $133,900
2. Sen. Kerry, John (D-MA) -- $111,000
3. Sen. Obama, Barack (D-IL) - $105,849
4. Sen. Clinton, Hillary (D-NY) - $75,550
5. Rep. Kanjorski, Paul E (D-PA) - $65,500


The top five received nearly one-half million dollars from the FMx2. Dodd and Obama received almost a quarter million from the failed quasi-government agencies between the two of them.

From Open Secrets.org, "Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac Invest in Democrats":

(For an updated chart that includes contributions from Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae's PACs and employees to ALL lawmakers back to 1989, including to their leadership PACs, go here.) and data The federal government recently announced that it will come to the rescue of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, two embattled mortgage buyers that for years have pursued a lobbying strategy to get lawmakers on their side. Both companies have poured money into lobbying and campaign contributions to federal candidates, parties and committees as a general tactic, but they've also directed those contributions strategically. In the 2006 election cycle, Fannie Mae was giving 53 percent of its total $1.3 million in contributions to Republicans, who controlled Congress at that time. This cycle, with Democrats in control, they've reversed course, giving the party 56 percent of their total $1.1 million in contributions. Similarly, Freddie Mac has given 53 percent of its $555,700 in contributions to Democrats this cycle, compared to the 44 percent it gave during 2006.

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have also strategically given more contributions to lawmakers currently sitting on committees that primarily regulate their industry. Fifteen of the 25 lawmakers who have received the most from the two companies combined since the 1990 election sit on either the House Financial Services Committee; the Senate Banking, Housing & Urban Affairs Committee; or the Senate Finance Committee. The others have seats on the powerful Appropriations or Ways & Means committees, are members of the congressional leadership or have run for president. Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Conn.), chairman of the Senate banking committee, has received the most from Fannie and Freddie's PACs and employees ($133,900 since 1989). Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D-Pa.) has received $65,500. Kanjorski chairs the House Financial Services Subcommittee on Capital Markets, Insurance and Government-Sponsored Enterprises, and Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are government-sponsored enterprises, or GSEs.




The airwaves yesterday were full of Barack Obama making statements and posturing on the crisis.

Nowhere in any of the Obama statements was any mention of his relationship with Freddie Mac or Fannie Mae.

The Obama campaign showed rare judgment in this decision.

Yesterday may not have been the right time to mention his failed benefactors.


by Mondo
image: thebidfloor



Thursday, September 25, 2008

Late Night Comics: Rate the Jokes - September 24, 2008



Your Ad Here





Rate the Late Night Comics' jokes.



The Tonight Show with Jay Leno


John McCain wants to postpone Friday’s presidential debate. And, he has temporarily suspended his campaign . . . until he’s ahead in the polls.

Right after he announced that, Sarah Palin said, “That’s OK — I don’t really need him, anyway.”

Today, Barack Obama told Joe Biden to be less like Sarah Palin: “Stop talking to the press!”

Yesterday at the U.N., Mahmoud I’m-a-nutjob blamed the United States for the collapse of the global markets. Well, that just goes to show you . . . in a crisis, you really find out who your friends are.


Rating: +1



Late Show with David Letterman

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Questions People Are Asking the John McCain Campaign

10. "I just contributed to your campaign — how do I get a refund?"
9. "It's Sarah Palin — does this mean I'm pars'dent?"
8. "Can't you solve this by selling some of your homes?"
7. "Hi, this is Clay Aiken. Is McCain single?"
6. "Do you still think the fundamentals of our economy are strong, genius?"
5. "Are you doing all this just to get out of going on Letterman?"
4. "What would Matlock do?"
3. "Hillary here — my schedule is free Friday night"
2. "Is this just an excuse to catch up on napping?"
1. "This is President Bush — what's all this trouble with the economy?"



John McCain had to cancel an appearance on the show because he is suspending his campaign because the economy is exploding.

You know John McCain, the running mate of Sarah Palin?

Nobody told his vice presidential running mate Sarah Palin — she’s still circling the theatre in a white minivan.

After canceling, he rushed right back to Washington to deal with the crisis. And I thought, "Woah — he sure nipped that in the bud."

Rating: -8


Late Night with Conan O'Brien

John McCain says he wants to postpone Friday's debate. Not because of the economic crisis, but because TVLand is running a "Golden Girls" marathon.

Yesterday, President Bush gave a speech on the economic crisis. The title of Bush's speech: "Two More Months and It Ain't My Problem."

During his speech, Bush said, "We are in a once in a century crisis." He said we shouldn't worry though, because this once in a century crisis shouldn't happen again for 10-15 years.

Sarah Palin is in New York City this week. Her family took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty. When she saw the ferry, she said, "Can't we build a bridge to that thing?"

Rating: -1

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

John McCain has suspended his presidential campaign. He also wanted to cancel Friday’s debate with Barack Obama because of the financial crisis. Obama said, “Well, I’ll have the debate anyway. It will be easier without McCain there.”

He also canceled an interview with David Letterman, but then he did an interview with Katie Couric at the same time he was supposed to be on Letterman. He said that he was in a rush to get back to Washington, but apparently he had time for a game of softball with Katie before he left.

If you cross David Letterman, you cross me. If you cross me, you cross David Letterman. You may have to explain to Letterman who I am, but . . .

You can't just suspend a democratic process because we are facing problems. At what point do you then think that maybe you should suspend the election? People have done that before . . . Castro . . . Napolean . . .


Rating: -2



Jimmy Kimmel Live!

John McCain is putting his campaign on hold to focus on the economy. He wants to postpone his debate with Barack Obama on Friday. Seems like the old “my grandmother died” before the exam excuse.

When you have 11 houses, you take a housing crisis very, very seriously.

McCain asked Obama to stop campaigning and stop campaign ads. Obama said no, but they have agreed to put out a joint statement. They just released it about an hour ago: It’s All Bush’s Fault!

Bush has an interesting way to fix the economy: a bake sale.

Rating: -2


by Mondoreb
image: dbkp file



Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Late Night Comics: Rate the Jokes - September 23, 2008



Your Ad Here


Rating the Late Night Comics
On Balance in Political Jokes

September 23, 2008




The Tonight Show with Jay Leno


More bad news today, from President Bush: Remember those rebate checks from a few months ago? He wants them back.

Barack Obama said today that the $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. He said that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fundraisers to come up with that kind of money.

At a rally in Florida, Barack Obama was interrupted by a protest group called “Blacks Against Obama.” Actually it was a pretty small group — just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson.

Sarah Palin was in New York meeting foreign leaders at the U.N. Assembly. She was very impressed with all the landmarks in New York City. As she was driving over the Hudson River, she said, “Wow — your bridges actually go somewhere.”

Rating: +2


Late Show with David Letterman

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten George W. Bush Ideas For Fixing The Economy

10. Why fix it if it ain't broke?
9. Drill Arctic National Wildlife Refuge for loose change
8. Sell cupcakes in front of the White House
7. Flip all them charts upside down
6. Encourage Americans to spend more — If they don't, Cheney peppers them in the face
5. Most things seem better after half a bottle of Jim Beam
4. Let's just say the Lincoln Memorial is now the Tostitos Lincoln Memorial
3. Invent a car that runs on root beer
2. Put on a pair of glasses and shoot a moose
1. Is Hillary still available for a 3 a.m. phone call?



Earlier today, President Bush addressed the U.N. Assembly. Apparently, his father couldn’t get him out of it.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad also addressed the Assembly. He was completely humorless. Devoid of humor. So they’ve asked him to host next year’s Emmys.

All these world leaders, while they are in New York City attending the General Assembly, are doing some shopping. The Japanese premier, for example, got a great deal on Morgan Stanley.

Sarah Palin is also in town. She’s having a great time in New York City. Today, for instance, she shot and mounted that thing on Donald Trump’s head.


Rating: -1



Late Night with Conan O'Brien

The first presidential debate is this Friday. Strategists say Barack Obama is going to try to get John McCain to lose his temper. He’s going to do this by repeating the phrase, “Matlock is gay.”

Sarah Palin was at the United Nations today. She met with foreign leaders to show her foreign policy expertise. Experts say the meeting took 90 seconds.

Yesterday, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad challenged John McCain to a debate. McCain says that if he wanted to be attacked by extremists in a hostile environment he’d appear on MSNBC.

McCain said that illegal Irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. When asked why, he said, “My wife’s family owns Budweiser. It would be good for business.”


Rating: -1



The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Clay Aiken announced in People magazine that he’s gay. He’s Clay; he’s gay; he’s here to stay.

Also in People magazine, John McCain announced he’s old, and Barack Obama announced he’s black.

Google is releasing a new phone. It’s called the G1. John McCain was very excited when he heard about it. When he heard G1, he said “Bingo!”

Rating: Even


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Clay Aiken is on the cover of People magazine announcing that he’s gay. This on the heels of last week’s People shocking cover: Ruben Studdard announced he’s black.

First, “Sex & the City” comes out on DVD, now this.

President Bush made a farewell speech in front of the U.N. General assembly. I thought he spoke quite powerfully today, especially at the end of his speech when he said, “Could we borrow some money?”

Rating: Even

Do any readers have a different rating than these we've provided? Were they funny? Were they balanced? Does it matter?

We're sure you'll let us know.


READERS RATE:

Yesterday, Joshua said, "Letterman’s a loser. The “bring your daughter to work day” joke had some merit. But, the rest of the jokes were weak, obvious and completely unfunny."

Jason suggested, "Might as well add in the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report for the next edition of Late Night ComicsL Rate the Jokes."

We're working on obtaining a daily transcript of the Daily Show.


by Mondo
image: dbkp file



Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Late Night Comics: Rate the Political Jokes - Sept 22



Your Ad Here


Rating the Late Night Comics
On Balance in Political Jokes

September 22, 2008



Late night comics jokes: are they "fair and balanced"?

Who cares, right?

It gives us an excuse to put up some jokes under the guise of "research".





The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

● They had the Emmys last night. There were more stars there than at a Barack Obama fundraiser.

● The miniseries “John Adams” set an Emmy record last night — 13 wins. So a guy from the 1700s is still winning today. That’s good news for John McCain.

● The financial crisis is getting worse. A bailout is in the works. Today, Congress declared, “The days of getting money just for the asking, are over.” Then, they asked for $700 billion.

● Bill Clinton was on “The View” yesterday. It was a frustrating appearance for Clinton — it turns out the pretty one is a conservative.

Rating: Even



Late Show with David Letterman

● During the Emmys last night, John McCain asked, “‘Gunsmoke’ win anything?”

● Autumn arrived on schedule . . . at least there’s one thing Bush hasn’t screwed up.

● John McCain was introducing Sarah Palin to world leaders at the U.N. Assembly yesterday. It was nice — it looked like “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.”

● We’re learning more about John McCain — he has 13 cars. And he can’t remember where he parked any of them.

Rating: -3


Late Night with Conan O'Brien

● The past several days, President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout, and today a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Bush got upset and said, "Why does everyone always spell in front of me?"

● Yesterday at a big campaign rally, Sarah Palin drew a crowd of 60,000 people. After hearing about it, Joe Biden got new glasses and a boob job.

● California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger recently said that in the 1970s he smoked marijuana. Apparently, Arnold got so stoned that you could understand every word he was saying.

● Cuba says Russia is going to help them develop a space program. And then they're going to help Cuba develop a radio.


Rating: Even


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

● Last night were the Emmys on ABC. Best drama went to the Greenbay Packers, I think.

● The big award was for the best actor in a presidential campaign. It went to John McCain. [Video of John McCain saying Sarah Palin is absolutely ready to be president.]

● This is interesting: According to vehicle registration records, John and Cindy McCain own 13 cars, and Barack and Michelle Obama only own one. The McCains have 13 — which, to be fair, is only one for each house.

● The have a Cadillac GTS, a Lexus, 10 rascal scooters, and a hearse.


Rating: -3


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

No political jokes last night.

Rating: Even



compiled by Mondo
image: dbkp
Source: Late Night Jokes



Friday, November 9, 2007

Education and Globaloney:
School Teaches Humans Are the Villains



There once was a time when the favorite villain in any movie was the Nazi. In the 50s and even into the 60s, Nationist Socialists were everywhere on the screen.

Today's evil-doers?

Human beings.

Human beings are consuming resources, something they were doing long before today's teachers consumed enough resources to obtain a teaching license.

The Soviets had their political education commissars, responsible for the idealogical indoctrination of their pupils. The hapless teachers mentioned below would perhaps have qualified as commissars.

A sad tale of a poor clueless school district and their poor clueless charges.
Third-grade teacher Debbie Robles made her acting debut before a packed auditorium of youngsters at Rancho Elementary School in Novato. She bombed.

Playing the villain in a school assembly Wednesday aimed at educating the students about global warming, Robles - dressed in a witch's black attire and prancing around the auditorium as "Queen Carbon" - drew the biggest response from more than 500 students who attended two "Curb Your Carbon" assemblies.

"My own daughter Hannah asked me, 'Do you have to be my mother today?'" Robles said.

Teachers, parents and volunteers helped organize the assemblies and participated in the skits to help raise awareness about global warming and what people can do about it - exchanging traditional light bulbs for compact fluorescent bulbs, for example.

School officials distributed more than 500 CFLs last week.
Source: Marin Independent Journal
-Sigh.-
60+ years after World War II and the Nazis are still the villains.

Only this time, they're disguised as techers and having their students perform the global warming goosestep.

by Mondoreb
[hat tip & graphic: RidesAPaleHorse]

Digg!

Back to Front Page.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Big Sugar is a Big Sugar Daddy:

Big Bucks to Pols Who Help
Keep Prices Artificially High


Big Sugar is a Big Sugar Daddy.

We hear much talk about the evil of "Big Oil". But one industry with a much higher profit margin than Big Oil is Big Sugar. Political contributions from the sugar industry ensure consumers foot the bill. U.S. consumers pay much higher prices for sugar--and every food item that takes processed sugar--than they would have to if Big Sugar's wasn't protected by market forces of supply and demand.

It's been estimated that the price consumers pay for sugar is twice as high as it would be if Big Sugar weren't pampered by the politicians that get Big Money from this Big Sugar Daddy. More from Dan Morgan, at the Washington Post:
When U.S. sugar farmers needed help this summer defending a $1 billion, 10-year subsidy plan in a new House farm bill, they found it in some surprising places.

Among the 282 lawmakers siding with Midwest and Gulf Coast growers on a key vote was Rep. Carolyn B. Maloney (D-N.Y.), who represents Queens and Manhattan's East Side. The only sugar refinery in the New York area is well outside her district.

Four days after she voted against a measure that would have derailed the new subsidy plan, Maloney hosted a fundraising event at Bullfeathers restaurant on Capitol Hill that netted $9,500 in contributions from sugar growers and refiners, according to Federal Election Commission records and Maloney's election attorney, Andrew Tulloch. Tulloch called the timing of the July 31 fundraiser -- dubbed a "sugar breakfast" on the campaign finance report of one group -- a "pure coincidence."


Pure coincidence?

How can spinners say such things with a straight face?
So far this year, nine sugar farm or refinery groups have made more than 900 separate contributions totaling nearly $1.5 million to candidates, parties and political funds, according to federal election records and CQ MoneyLine. American Crystal Sugar Co., a Minnesota-based sugar-beet cooperative with 3,000 members, has made 317 contributions totaling $819,000. In July alone, its political fund contributed more than $70,000 to 26 House members, 24 of whom sided with it on the July 27 sugar vote.

The sugar industry contributes heavily to politicians, the politicians contribute heavily to the sugar industry, using trade legislation to allow sugar prices to be artificially high. Nice arrangement for both, bad arrangement for working families trying to squeeze another dollar out of the food budget.

Americans are being asked to foot the bill every time they have a candy bar or take the top off the sugar jar. They've been shouldering this burden for a long time.

Big Sugar Daddy is spooning out Big Bucks to see it remains that way.

by Mondoreb
[image:tootsie]

Digg!

Back to Front Page.

Friday, November 2, 2007

ANNOUNCING:

"DBKP Political Cage Match"

Above: Action from the upcoming Clinton-Gravel DBKP Texas Cage Match

Rudy "The Mayor of Mayhem" Giuliani
VS.
"Dunkin Death' Duncan" Hunter

Real Political Cage Match Action!
Real Texas Death Debate Personal Destruction!
Two Pundits Enter, One Pundit Leaves!

Bring the whole family!
Enjoy NON-STOP ACTION!

Death by 1000 Papercuts proudly announces the "DBKP Political Cage Matches". First fight: Rudy "the Mayor of Mayhem" Giuliani Vs. "Dunkin Death' Duncan" Hunter later this afternoon.

Starting later today we'll present the first fight of the first first round. Over the next 8 days, we'll present the rest of these can't-miss match-ups.

The rest of the first round match-ups:
Nov 3-Hillary "Cacklin'Clinton" VS. "Invisible Mike" Gravel
Nov 4-Mitt "The Maulin' Mormon" Romney VS. Mike "The Hearless" Huckabee
Nov 5-Bill "Close Encounters" Richardson VS. "Judicial Joe" Biden
Nov 6-"Johnny the Maverick" McCain VS. Ron "The Mad Spammer" Paul
Nov 7-John "The Poverty Powerhouse" Edwards VS. Dennis "Kid" Kucinich
Nov 8-Barrack "The Bomber" Obama VS. "K.O Chris" Dodd
Nov 9-Fred "The Atomic Actor" Thompson VS. "Terrible(to Immigrants) Tom" Tancredo

Arena: The Deathby1000Papercuts' PolitiDROME
Rules: Texas Death Debate Style
Tickets: at DBKP and all Ticketron outlets.
Judges' decisions are FINAL.
Winners to advance to the Quarterfinals which begin on Veterans' Day, November 11, 2007.

Times and nicknames subject to change without notice. All results are final. Let the buyer beware. Look before you leap. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Wash you hands before returning to work. Don't bet the ponies.

Let's Get It On!

Don't miss this Tournament of Death and Political Destruction!
A Death by 1000 Papercuts Political Punditry Production

by Mondoreb & Little Baby Ginn


Digg!

Back to Front Page.